With all the social unrest, it reminded me of a situation that occurred in my own household. I am chagrined that the situation happened more than once. I’ll share it with you.
Lo and behold, it is early morning and I am standing at the kitchen counter eating breakfast. In walks my wife who sacrificed her career to stay at home to raise our children. She proceeds to spend about five minutes on a roll “venting” about my then-adolescent children who individually, and together with Lilliputian-like machinations, caused her turmoil, frustration and consternation.
Now, there are probably a million ways for a husband to handle this context. I had to say something, lest it be suggested that I was not listening. And, the “How about that…” sublime “non-response” I learned from a wildly wealthy and often wise octogenarian old-money adviser was not going to work. Therefore, I defaulted to my natural inclination and simply said what I was thinking…
Who trained them?
This was definitely not one of my finer moments. My wife, who was already hot, was now breathing fire, leading to meta-discussion that was no longer about the children, but a “meta-discussion” about the “discussion.”
I should have said, “How can I help you more effectively to raise our children together?“ To some husbands, this type of response is more natural, but, alas, for me, in a moment of weakness of discipline of my own nature, I succumbed to the terseness of presenting my unfiltered thought exactly as I thought it. Bad move.
I was in “work mode” at home, and my now misplaced training in working with entrepreneurs for more than 30 years took over. That is, the cold and cruel assessment of identifying controllables and uncontrollables, and isolating causes and effects, in order to achieve some goal. More scientific than sensitive.
In short, I had concluded that my wife’s condition was by controllable causation.
I am simply not wired as a “blame,” “victim” and “someone else’s fault” kind of guy. Years of conditioning in the field. We are reminded that, if Rambo got married, his spouse would need to be careful about playing practical “scared ya” jokes.
In any case, what does this have to do with all the social unrest, angry people, rioting, and half of a country puerilely calling the other half idiots? Well, I will simply say what I am thinking, but, this time, with some determination to so…
Who trained them?
“Remember, then, if you mistake the things which are by nature slavish to be free, and the things that are in the power of others to be your own, you will be hindered, you will lament, you will be disturbed, you will blame both gods and men.
But, if you think that only what is your own to be your own, and if you think what is another’s as it really is, belonging to another, no man will ever compel you, no man will hinder you, you will never blame any man, you will accuse no man, you will do nothing involuntarily (against your will), no man will harm you, you will have no enemy, for you will not suffer any harm.” Epictetus
© 2020 Gregg Zegarelli, Esq. Gregg can be contacted through LinkedIn.
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The opinions in this article are the author’s and do not reflect the policy of any other person or institution.