We achieve a “point of clarity” when—all of a sudden so it seems—some principle or complex thought becomes understood and clear. It’s that palm-to-forehead self-slap “ah-ha” moment. It right there: Why didn’t I see it all this time?
I had such a moment, and I will describe it to you. I call it The Sun Rule™. I’ll provide a vignette to set the premise, but you’ll probably recognize the facts as rather pervasive and common in the business world.
Let’s say you’re a sales agent. For many years, you’ve been friends, or at least business friends, with Ben, your buyer, who buys widgets from you. You admire Ben for his business acumen. Importantly, you are loyal to Ben.
Loyalty is a type of love, and it implies self-sacrifice. Loyalty is never required in the easy context. Loyalty is only called upon in the test. Mercenaries are set to a cause by being paid, but that set to cause is not the same as loyalty. So what is loyalty in the business setting where monetary transactions are the foundation of the relationship?
In the business setting, being loyal to Ben means, if Ben needed you to work a deal or lower a price for an emergency, you would get it done for Ben to the best of your ability, cutting your margin, or even taking a loss. You would “go to bat” for Ben, even if placing yourself at personal or professional risk to do so; you would “carry” Ben if necessary from the usual payment term requirements. You would do this for Ben, even if this were the final transaction.
Now, let’s say you discover along the way (it doesn’t matter how), that Ben bought widgets from someone else. Sure, “it’s business,” but you feel betrayed. So, you approach Ben, “Why, Ben, would you do this to me, this is how I earn my living?” Ben provides some easy excuse to appease you, but it causes you to consider how to convey all of your complex emotions and issues in a simple and straight-forward way.
So, you blurt out, “Would you have treated your son this way?” (Here it comes…)
Ben replies, “No, but you’re not my son.“
The Sun Rule.
And there we have it, voila, bright as day, The Sun Rule.
We discover ourselves, when we see clearly, that the measure of our character, is shortened, by the differential, of how we treat others, versus how we would treat our own son or other most beloved family member.
To say it a different way, there will be very little difference between how a person of excellent character treats his or her child versus strangers. The greater the spread of differential in the man, the less the man’s character. For example, can a man of excellent character treat his son well and others badly? Certainly, a mother who treats only her own daughter well is better than a bad mother, but not so good as a mother who treats everyone well. There are, of course practical preferences we all make, but that’s really not the point of the formula, which is, rather, to measure how large the differential of treating self-interest versus treating your neighbor, or perhaps a test of natural loyalty or support.
I said this was a point of clarity, because many of us are spiritual, and understand to love your brother and sister as yourself. We’ve heard that statement over and over, its the Golden Rule, of course, that traverses many faith systems. But, the ah-ha moment is simply the framing of the precise question: If this were my son, would I do it this way? Replacing son with daughter, etc., is the personalizing of the rule, but the formula remains.
In the above scenario, the implication is that Ben would not have moved the business from his own son. Or, for example, let’s say Ben needed to go elsewhere simply because of the business terms, Ben would probably have given the empathetic care and respect to his son without a “cheat,” but with some explanation of substance, “Son, look I know we’ve been doing business, but I have a responsibility to the shareholders, I have to move the business.” That is, some forthright presentation that is sensitive to the person with whom Ben has shared a relationship. It tends to be good business, long-term, coming back around.
When I advise clients, I now call this, “experiential empathy” that comes with increased field of view, and years of being literally on both sides of the table. Forthrightness takes parts bravery and deftness, but it’s the better and more sophisticated part of the game.
Ben defended his act as okay, which is exactly the character differential offset to be measured for him.
The Sun Rule, like any rule, has exceptions, and someone might quip about comparisons to his or her own son, but that is not the point. The point of the rule is that it simply frames the perspective in a loving and respectful empathy for the other person. “That person has only a small order, why call back?“
The Sun Rule reminds us that the other person is a human being, and causes us to focus upon “best practice” human relationships across-the-board.
We are not all perfect, of course, but it is important to see the light.
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© 2017 Gregg Zegarelli, Esq. Gregg can be contacted through LinkedIn. Read more articles here.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/sun-rule-leadership-character-how-treat-others-gregg-zegarelli-esq-
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