Zeus and Hera were in an argument over which slave throughout history had it the worst.
“Enough of this argument with you, Hera!” exclaimed Zeus, “No agreement will ever be reached between us. Back and forth, back and forth, but never progress. Yet, I do have an idea. Let us go to my brother, Hades. I shall have him pull slaves from his kingdom—the Underworld—and then put the question to the slaves themselves!“
“I don’t know,” replied Hera, “You know what happened when Paris was asked that question about who was the most beautiful…“
“Stop, and don’t be cow-eyed, woman!” scolded Zeus sternly. “Indeed, Paris chose Aphrodite over you and Athena, but only after bribes were offered from all of you that became a game of base pride, self-interest, and vanity! It was not the question itself that caused the war over Helen of Troy, but all of your mean meddling!
“Here, we will just put the simple question to the slaves straightly: ‘Which of you had it the worst?‘”
And so it was that Hades, by the command of Zeus, pulled a group of slaves from the Underworld, and presented the question to them of which slave had it the worst…
So started a Mayan, “I was captured as a slave. The women were enslaved and I was painted blue and made to walk in line with my fellow captives to the top of a pyramid, watching in horror as the persons in front of me were, one at a time, sacrificed to the cheers of the natives. I was placed onto my back, had my heart cut out of my chest and showed to me while I still lived, then my head was severed and rolled down the pyramid to the cheers of the crowd.“
“Well, you think that was bad? I was a captured Carthaginian. I was placed into the arena, with lions for the amusement of a crowd of thousands. Two lions came to me, one tore off my arm, and the other my legs. I screamed as the joints and muscles were separated from my body, helplessly without the ability to move and watching the lions eat my own body in front of me!“
“I’m not even sure why I am here, because I was never a slave in my body. I only wanted to worship a deity, my way, alone and peacefully. But, just for that, I was burned at the stake, watching my burning flesh melt from my body as I screamed writhing in agony, with a group of my condemners watching in satisfaction.“
“Me, too. I just wanted to be left alone, too. But, I was arrested, drawn, disembowed, castrated, and quartered. I just wanted to govern myself with my neighbors in accordance with our own voluntary articles of association!“
“Well, I was enslaved in body. I was happily alone with my family, but then we were captured. We were put onto a slave ship like animals, pressed so tightly we could not breathe, with excrement and sea-sickness vomit all over each other, and with my dead neighbor hanging next to me for days. Then, in port, we were stripped and degraded, and my beautiful wife and daughter were sold to a giggling old man.“
“Well, I am Jewish. Simply because of my status, race or religion, I was brought to a concentration camp, forced to choose which of my children would live or die as my captor’s game. And then I was stripped, raped, and placed into a gas …”
But, then, they all started to interrupt and argue with one another. Each saying that each person’s own horror was worse than each other person’s horror. A cut out heart being worse than a torn off limb. Burning at the stake being worse than disembowment. Slow death being worse than quick death. All the slaves arguing that their own respective torture was the worst. “You are wrong and a liar,” each exclaimed to the others, “My day was the worst, and you know it!” And, all the slaves became so enraged that they picked up sticks and stones and started to attack each other physically, beating each other so that they all were dead, again.
“Humph, still no answer, and twice dead,” sighed Zeus. “These humans are very strange creatures,” said Hera. “Yes, certainly so, and with such irony,” said Zeus. “If not hypocrisy,” replied Hera.
“But, then again,” said Hera, “could it be that we asked the question improperly, with a hidden premise, or that we stated it in such a way as to induce this result? If perhaps we had asked the question in a different way, might not they all have ended their conversation in agreement and lovingly embracing each other for their respective pains?“
“It seems to me, Hera, that the question was presented plainly enough, and we should not overthink the natural result that followed,” replied Zeus. “Humph,” sighed Hera, “But, then again, I think we might have a do-over with the question stated differently.“
“Well, we could put it to the test again,” said Zeus. “But I would caution you that it is sometimes wiser to have the hope from your question, rather than to have the truth from your answer.“
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© 2022 Gregg Zegarelli, Esq. Gregg can be contacted through LinkedIn.
The expression set forth in this article is illustrative only and solely the author’s. The expression is not endorsed, condoned or supported by any affiliation of the author.
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